Episode #021: Gain Momentum By Making Connections with Bernie Dezenski

Intro: Welcome to Eat Blog Talk, where food bloggers come to get their fill of the latest tips, tricks, and insights into the world of food blogging. If you feel that hunger for information, we’ll provide you with the tools you need to add value to your blog. We’ll also ensure you’re taking care of yourself, because food blogging is a demanding job. Now, please welcome your host, Megan Porta. 

Megan Porta : Hello, food bloggers. Welcome to the Eat Blog Talk podcast made for you. Food bloggers who are seeking value for their blogs and also looking to make improvements in their lives. Before I introduce the guest in today’s episode, this interview requires some upfront explaining. Before Bernie and I started recording this interview, we were having technical issues that I could not figure out. So I decided to physically move myself closer to the router in my house, in order to eliminate that as being one of our issues and in doing so, I also moved myself closer to my boys and my dog and the chaos that is typical on the upstairs level of our home.

I recorded this interview while sitting in the middle of my bed, microphone in hand. Interruptions greeted us one after the other. My son, Elijah, came into the room. Then the neighbor kid came over to ask if he could play. Then my dog started barking. It was really just a comical series of events. It wasn’t until I was editing the interview that I realized my microphone didn’t even pick up most of what I was hearing on my end, which is great.

Yay, for an amazing microphone. But, my ears on that day were experiencing loud interruptions, one after another. Bernie was so gracious and tolerant with all of it. Honestly, at the end of the interview, I didn’t know what to do. I thought of rescheduling and trying again. But I chatted with Bernie about it, and we just decided to publish real life. Total imperfection, because honestly, my world is nuts and I know that most of you have crazy imperfect, busy lives too.

So I hope you appreciate this episode in all its rawness. It makes me feel vulnerable to allow people in this really real way. But I’m following my gut with this, you guys. So here you go, food bloggers, a barely edited, very real life episode of Eat Blog Talk. 

In today’s episode, I will be talking to Bernie Dezenski from agoudalife.com and we will be discussing how to gain momentum by making connections. Bernie has been blogging at A Gouda Life for four and a half years. She attended her first conference as a baby blogger at just six months into it and didn’t realize the importance of networking at the time. She showed up for that first conference, but didn’t get everything out of it that she expected to and has since learned how important it is to make connections with other bloggers.

Hey, Bernie. Thank you so much for taking time for a chat today. Before we dive into the topic of making connections, take just a few minutes to tell us something else about yourself or give us a fun fact. 

Bernie Dezenski: Hey Megan, thanks so much for having me on. I appreciate it. Well, some people don’t know that we used to have a golden retriever. We brought her home on a snowy St. Patrick’s evening. We named her Patty. We had her for several years and I ended up training her to be a therapy dog. I love reading and I’ve always realized the value of reading and being able to read. Cause I feel like if you can read, you can learn to do anything.

I know that kids struggle with this time. So I piloted a program with our local library. I called it Tales With Tails and took her in there every week. Kids would sign up to come in and read to her. They loved it. They would lay on the floor next to her, some would actually lay on her like a pillow. There was one boy in particular that I thought was extra special. He was on the spectrum and he would bring in a reference book and instead of reading to her, he would actually describe, he’s a super smart kid, but he would actually describe how an engine worked; whether it was on an airplane or a car or a train. It’s just a great memory. So she was a really special dog. 

Megan : I love that so much. Isn’t it crazy how dogs can make such connections with humans and vice versa? 

Bernie: Absolutely. 

Megan : Thank you so much for sharing that Bernie. Let’s get to our main topic today, and the reason you are here, gaining blogging momentum by making connections. So I love discussing this topic because it is one of those simple parts of the food blogging equation that I think can literally open up the floodgates for each of us. I think a lot of us, myself included, go on for a very long time thinking that we can navigate food blogging on our own, until we get to that place where we realize that we’ve been stuck in a rut. To start our discussion off, tell us your thoughts about why making connections is such an important piece of the puzzle for food bloggers.

Bernie: I actually realized early on that this was not flying by myself. I set the blog up myself online, a lot of swearing and some wine drinking, walking away and repeating. But I realized that this was just not working because I could not connect. I had my daughters, my husband and my niece that we’re following. That was pretty good. I guess I thought when I set it up that everyone would read it and that just was not the case. I also figured because I’m an introvert and I work at home, I should have just been a one man band. Wrong again. When I went to this conference that you mentioned, I didn’t reach out to people.

I had a pack of 500 business cards and I went home with about 498. I think when I reached out to a brand to do some work for them and they asked for my media kit. This was very early on and I realized that I didn’t know what it was. I drove to my local office supply store, went up and down the aisles.

I’m looking for a box that says media kit. There’s no such thing. Not really. But the one friend that I made at this conference, I messaged her. She must have died laughing when I messaged her. Where do I buy this? She said, oh, this is how you do it. Here’s a link and let me know. She’s out of Grand Rapids actually and she’s really been a tremendous help for me. But anyway, that’s just basically how I got started with it. I realized early on and I’m still not a hundred percent with it because my natural inclination is to do things myself. But there’s a wealth of knowledge out there to get from other people.

I realized that we know more than we think we do. So sometimes we think, oh, you know what? I can’t offer this to somebody else. Maybe I’m not a specialist in it. But you offer this information and really, more than you think you do.

Megan : Absolutely. I love that you shared that because I think we’ve all done those things that, looking back, we’re like, oh wow. I should have known that. I did something similar early on. I had a brand ask me to create an evergreen post and I thought we were talking about peppermint. 

Bernie: That’s great. 

Megan : I felt so dumb when they came back and they were like, oh, actually evergreen does not mean peppermint. I felt like the biggest idiot ever, but I think it’s important that we share those things so that we know tha t we’re not alone in this and we all have those thoughts and ideas that in retrospect we think are stupid but yeah, we all go through that. So it’s part of the process of growing too.

We need each other, like you said. Having someone to call and say, Hey what does evergreen mean? What is a media kit? I think that’s really important. So no matter what the job is or the hobby is, I think it’s very important to find like minded people who understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and what you’re going through.

But especially with food blogging, because most people who are part of the food blogging world do not have a clue what goes into this job. So it is especially critical for us to connect with other people who are in the game. There are a lot of technical and just somewhat boring, honestly, sides to food blogging that non food bloggers have no desire to hear about.

It’s helpful to find people to talk to about such a niche topic. Let’s keep our spouses and friends’ ears from bleeding basically, and talk to people who actually care about things like keyword research. I don’t know how to create perfect Pinterest graphics or whatever it is because these are not common topics of conversation between most human beings.

You don’t hang out at a random social gathering and start talking about these things. So we need each other. I think it’s really important to remember that, that we do this job alone, day in and day out. Yet, we need each other. 

Bernie: Exactly. That’s a great lead into what I was going to point out. One of the networking things that I think is so important are our conferences. These are all people that love to hear about this, can eat, breathe, sleep, everything, food blogging, SEO, 24 hours a day. They love to hear it. They love to swap ideas. Conferences, I’m just so in favor of those, if it works for you. I get it, sometimes it doesn’t. But if at all possible, I definitely recommend going to a conference. 

Megan : I totally agree. It’s not always feasible financially because I know a lot of them are fairly expensive and considering travel costs and hotel and everything else involved. But the benefit I think is so huge. It’s hard to know that and understand it unless you go and experience it. But it plays such a big role, I think, in your success as a food blogger, if you can actually get to one of these conferences.

So I think it’s a good idea for people, if you are wanting to go to a conference, if you’ve never been to one before, just keep an eye out for something that’s close. If you live near a major city, just keep your eyes peeled because there really are quite a few conferences. Good conferences specific to food blogging that happen throughout the year. So it is a good idea to keep an eye on those. 

Bernie: Another way that you can defray costs besides driving is that you can share a hotel room. A lot of times, once the conference is set up, there’s a Facebook page and they will offer room shares. You can connect with people that way, with other bloggers and you can share rooms. So that’ll cut your hotel fee in half. Another way is some of them look for volunteers to do things; preconference so you can go in, even a day ahead of time and you can volunteer your services and setting up or the day after, you can help cleaning up and things like that, or passing out lanyards and whatnot.

Megan : Oh, that’s a great point. I did not even think to offer volunteering, but that is an awesome suggestion. 

Bernie: International food blogging conference, iFBC, if you write about their conference, I want to say it’s three times the cost, which is significantly different than the full price. So the full price is around 500 bucks. If you do these things, like I said, it’s around 90 dollars, a huge difference. 

Megan : Early bird pricing is huge too. If you do it early enough, you can get hundreds of dollars taken off from the price of most conferences. Not at all. 

Bernie: Absolutely. 

Megan : So when I hear the word networking, I tend to think of just those in-person interactions, but this doesn’t necessarily need to be the case. Connecting with people professionally can easily happen online, especially now with social media being such a prominent part of our lives. An obvious way to connect with other food bloggers is by going to conferences like we talked about, but virtual interactions are important too, I think. Can you talk to us about some tangible things we can all do to network both in-person and otherwise? 

Bernie: Sure. Absolutely. If you’re on Instagram, people that you follow and you see their photos come up and you’re almost drooling because they look so good. Put a legit comment on there. This looks amazing. Or, I tried this recipe. That’s a huge compliment, of course. As bloggers, we like to feed our egos, as well as our stomachs. So, comment with people on their posts, their Instagram posts, their Facebook posts. Share these things as well. Retweet their things, that sort of thing. But genuine comments, so they’re sincere. Go on their blog site itself and comment about something that looks good or ask a legitimate question. Just so they’re getting feedback with that sort of thing. You establish a relationship with these people like that. I have bloggers that I consider, not just colleagues, but actual friends. Kelly, that you met at the conference in Chicago, we touch base with Kelly several times a week. We’re similar ages. Our kids are similar ages and we’re pretty much the same area as far as blogging goes. We started around the same time and I would say our blogs are similar sizes. We seem to have similar tech issues.

So we’re always bouncing back and forth. But even if I just send her a quick note, Hey, what’s on your week. What’s going on with your week? Or, following up with something or kids are on vacation or she’s going on vacation, just keeping in touch. I consider her a close friend of mine.

Megan : I love first of all, what you said about the sincerity thing and actually going into posts and writing sincere comments. So that means really truly reading what the person, the blogger has written and then leaving something thoughtful and not just reading the first line and saying, yum looks great.

Maybe it does look great, but say something else. Really dig into what is their real message and then be sincere about it. Like you said, just be a friend and show that you’re being a true friend to them. Then some of those blogging relationships online actually do turn into friendships.

I love that you and Kelly have connected and that you guys are similar age groups and at similar points in your journey. But if you search hard enough and you really don’t have to search very hard to find people who are in the same boat with you, because there are so many bloggers, food bloggers. There are so many people to choose from really, just sort through Instagram for 10 minutes and you can probably find 10 people who you can relate to. 

Bernie: Not only relate to, but that you can learn from these people. You can learn from them. Even if they come to you with a problem, sometimes you can’t help them. Maybe it’s a tech issue and you don’t know the answer to it, but you know it helps to vent. 

Megan : It helps to push you to, to figure out problems. If someone comes to me with an issue and I have no idea how to answer them, I will try to help them at least search for an answer. Then I learned something too. So win-win and then maybe you gained a friend too. Like you said, venting is important as well because there’s a lot to vent about in food blogging. Am I right? 

Bernie: Absolutely! We don’t have a tech department. We don’t have people down the hall. We don’t have colleagues in the same building as we are. So yeah, we do fly solo much of the time. 

Megan : You can’t just call our IT department over and have them check out the issues. I often talk to my husband about some technical issues. Instantly I see his eyes glaze over. Not to say anything bad about him, because I would totally do the same if I were him. But that’s when I realized I should probably go vent to a fellow food blogger.

Bernie: Or SEO. You look at just your friends in general, and you mention SEO. They don’t know what you’re talking about, nor should they. 

Megan : If they do, there’s a problem. Why do you know this?

Bernie: My daughter’s in advertising and she works with SEO. When I first started blogging and she goes, you need to really understand SEO. I had no idea. I was probably weeks into it. She goes, it is so critical. I said, and it makes me think REO is like Speedwagon. 

Megan : That’s really great. So it was the other way around with you. You had a family member telling you, you needed to educate yourself on SEO, which is great. Usually it’s the other way around, like, why don’t, you know what this is? Oh, wait, you shouldn’t know what this is. Then another other thing that is lost, it’s a lost art is leaving blog comments.

This is something back when I started blogging a million years ago, used to be done all the time. I would put up a post and it seemed like instantly there would be 20 comments. Now, crickets are all over. It’s just not something that people do anymore. We are much more on social media leaving comments, which is fine. But then I feel like our blogs get lost. The main focus is actually a side note now. But I do think it’s important once in a while to hop over to your favorite blogs and leave comments. Then if someone does that to you make sure to reply and just say, Hey, thanks for stopping by.

Bernie: Absolutely. I’m guilty of that too. I get in a pattern of doing it for a while and then I fall off. I have to remind myself. So yeah, that’s a really good point.

I, too, cycle through that. There are times when I’m so good at it. I go through and I feel so accomplished at the end of the week. Then I let it go for a few weeks. I’m like, dang it. Why did I let that go? 

Exactly. I think human nature, our readers just human nature in general, we complain about things. If something is really good, we tend to not follow up with that company or that brand and say, wow, this was really spectacular. But if something’s bad, it’s on our radar and we’re going to let them know. So you get comments that might be like, I changed every ingredient in your recipe and it was terrible. 

Megan : My favorite. I have to share this one. I made tootsie roll fudge many years ago, and it is not baked fudge. I just got such an angry comment. It was my first angry comment that I ever got on my blog. I was beside myself. I’m like, what in the world? This person was like, I put this in the oven and it turned out like a brick and just swear words. You name it. I was like, oh my gosh, you’re not supposed to bake it.

Bernie: Read the directions.

Megan : But people have no problem with stopping by and telling you the bad things. So it is good to get those good comments once in a while. Hey, your food photos in this post look amazing, or I love that you added honey to this recipe or whatever. Again, the sincerity and just letting that shine through and pointing out something good that the blogger is doing. I think it’s important that we do that once in a while. 

Bernie: I think another way to connect with people or to network is via Pinterest. Following people, again, sharing their pins, but tailwind as well, I think it is another, for me personally is another great tool for that as well. 

Megan : There are a lot of good tools for that. So this we’ve touched on, I think one of the most obvious benefits of networking is making friendships. Like you talked about Bernie. It can be such a lonely job. So friendships with like minded people are so important. Sometimes with food blogging. I think all of us at times feel like we’ve just walked out of battle together because it’s just a tough job and there’s something sacred about enduring craziness with other people. Some of my favorite people in the world are food bloggers because I totally understand how hard they work and I get the sacrifices that they make to do their jobs. I’ve noticed that once friendships form with other food bloggers, bonds are so quickly formed and the roots run really deep.

Bernie: This is absolutely true. Absolutely. I have a couple of other blogger friends that I don’t keep an everyday contact with, but definitely I wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to them. If they reach out to me, I’d be happy to jump on that right away and help them because I think it’s important; we need to be there for each other.

This is our tribe. These are our people. Because like you said, who else understands us better than other food bloggers that are doing this, day in and day out.

Megan : We are a unique group. It’s so niche. I just really want to put the focus on that. It’s so important as a food blogger to make those human connections, whether in person or out of person and just find friends, find your tribe, make friends.

Bernie: Yeah, it’s a community. It’s a great community. I know when I was growing up. Everyone looked out for everyone else’s kids, and that’s not the case today, and I’m not saying it’s right, wrong or indifferent. It’s just different. There were a lot of people that sat on their porches and if they saw somebody doing something they shouldn’t be, they’d let the kid know whether it was their own or not. This is our community, our food blogging community that we really need to take care of one another and look out for one another.

This past winter, my husband had a serious health issue and Melissa from Mama Gourmand reached out to our Mediavine family and colleagues and asked them to share my posts because I was off for a while. My priorities were refocused, re shifted. But people share things that I had. She sent me a really nice card and face mask, which I love using. I don’t know if you’ve ever used those, but you put them on you just sit and relax and it was awesome. That was really awesome. 

Megan : That’s such a small gesture, but something that goes so far and means so much. During that time that you were going through. I love that she also shared that with the Mediavine family so that everyone could just love on you and give your blog a little extra love too. That’s a really great idea for bloggers that are struggling, or going through depression or just have downtime, whatever that means for them, just to give them a little bit extra love.

It’s a good idea to just keep an eye open for food bloggers who are going through things and to share with the rest of us about it so that we can help out in any way. 

Bernie: Exactly. There are a lot of bloggers that they’ve had babies and that’s another way to, if you don’t want to send a gift, that’s fine. I get it. People have a budget and that’s no worries with that, but it’s easy to send a card or even an e-card. Let somebody know that you’re thinking about them and, congratulations or if something’s happened. I’m so sorry. Just to be in touch with each other.

Megan : Absolutely. So thinking about tangible ways to address this topic. We’ve talked about going to conferences and just being good friends. Do you have any other tips for people to get out of there? So do you have any other tangible ways for people to break out of their shells and put importance on making connections with other food bloggers?

Bernie: I do. If you reach out to somebody, whether it’s an Instagram post or you’ve emailed them, or you’ve asked to join a tribe or a Pinterest board, and you weren’t accepted, or you didn’t get the feedback that you were hoping to get. Move on and don’t take it personally and just keep going. Because not everybody’s going to be your friend, just like in real life not everybody will be your friend and that’s okay. I have a couple of takeaways. One is that you’re not alone. We are not alone in this. Take the first step. Chat with other bloggers that are part of your tribe.

If you can’t find one, look on Facebook. Look at whether it’s an Instapotgroup, an air fryer group, a baking group, something like that. It’s so easy to connect with those on Facebook. Just like we were saying before, the genuine comments that you can leave on there about people’s things that people have posted. Make yourself accessible to your tribe.

So when somebody asks for your help or asks for your opinion, you know what, get back with them. Don’t wait four or five, six days. Just try to get back as quickly as you can, while still getting your own things done. I understand that. You have a set of skills. Don’t undervalue yourself. Whether this is for a sponsored post or again, you’re networking. You’re trying to connect with people. Don’t underestimate by thinking she’s been blogging for eight, 10 years. I’ve only been blogging for six months. We all have a set of skills. We all have something to offer. Support your colleagues through their thoughtful comments, like we were saying, Facebook groups, mastermind groups, again that’s another way. If you don’t see one, you can start one yourself. Remember that this is not a competition. This is teamwork. There’s enough work out there for all of us. 

Megan : I love that so much. It’s so true. I think we all get caught up in that mindset once in a while. Where we think that we’re in this alone and that just because person X is killing it, that means that we can’t. But that is not true. That’s totally false. We can all kill it in our own way. So I love that you brought that up. You had mentioned mastermind groups. I love the concept of mastermind groups because bringing minds together allows us to grow more than we could ever imagine. There are tons of options out there for us.

You can look for a mastermind group or if you can’t find one that fits you. Start your own. Also mentorships; mentorship programs, doing that same sort of thing. Honestly, these reasons are some of the main reasons I wanted to start this podcast. I love seeing the power of connection and watching people kill it in this business after they’ve started networking.

So food bloggers, if you are struggling to make connections, or if you are searching for your tribe. Or if you want to be involved in a mentoring type of relationship or a mastermind group, or if you just want an accountability partner, send me an email at Megan at eatblogtalk.com and tell me what your struggle is. What are you looking for? I am so passionate about this topic, and I want to see what food bloggers are looking for and try to fill in the gaps as best I can so that we are all feeling connected and supported. I just feel like that is one of the biggest pieces of this puzzle that is known as the crazy food blogging game.

Bernie: Absolutely. Because I think so often we do feel underrated. Sometimes you tell people what you do and they just have a blank look. Or they’ll say, is this a hobby? Do you make money? How does this work? It’s a legitimate business. I pay taxes. I have my taxes to prove it. 

Megan : I like how you worded that, Bernie, how you said, I think we all feel underrated and that is so true because in the general population, people do not know what food blogging means. Their eyes glaze over immediately. You can see them like how in the world she makes money. Yes. The underrated thing, I think we can all relate to.

Well, Bernie, we have covered a lot about why making connections is important and how to make connections in person and also online. I think all of this is super valuable. Do you have anything else before we wrap up here? 

Bernie: A couple of things. When you go to the conference, if you’ve gone alone, it’s easy to just fall by the wayside in our old habits. I do this too. I’m guilty of the same thing, just staying by yourself. But try to look for people that are also alone. It’s easier to approach one person than it is a group that’s already in the midst of a conversation. I know I keep pressing these conferences, but I’m such an advocate. Also if blogging is something you want to do, go for it. I was in my fifties when I started this food blog. It’s never too late. You’re never too old to do this; just do it. Get started and reach out to the people. Because there are other people that are in the same situation.

Megan : That is great advice. To go along with what you said about being at the conferences alone, also on the flip side, if you are in a group and you see someone who’s alone, please reach out to them because I have been that person before and it’s super uncomfortable. I’ve loved it when people have embraced me and asked me to come into their circle and made me feel welcomed. 

Bernie: Absolutely. Well said. 

Megan : So it goes both ways. Bernie, I appreciate you taking the time to chat with me today and for being patient with my technical difficulties and my boys in the background and my dogs. Thank you for being flexible.

Bernie: Like I said, this is our life. We work at home. There are all kinds of interruptions.

Megan : This is real life. You’re getting real life here, people.

Bernie: I appreciate you having me on Megan. This podcast is such a great resource for food bloggers and I applaud you. I seriously applaud you for kicking it off. It’s not like you’re looking for something to do. I’m sure your plate is very full already. 

Megan : Oh yeah. It’s been fun. I just want to share value with food bloggers because there’s such a need for it. So thank you for those words. That’s awesome. So thank you for helping to inspire food bloggers to expand their circles. Because I think, as I’ve said a million times, this is such an important topic. So before you go, Bernie, share with us a favorite quote or words of inspiration for our fellow food bloggers. 

Bernie: I actually have a favorite quote from Mark Twain and just to paraphrase it, it’s that 20 years from now, you’ll be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than the things that you did. So get out there, reach out and this is our life. It’s not a dress rehearsal. This is what we have. So get out there, everybody. 

Megan : I love it. Don’t be afraid. Just do it, right. Get started. That’s super inspiring. So Bernie has a list of favorite resources relating to making connections, and those can be found on her show notes page at eatblogtalk.com /Bernie. That’s spelled B E R N I E. Bernie, tell my listeners the best place to find you online. 

Bernie: Go to agoudalife.com A G O U D A L I F E.com. 

Megan : Awesome. Bernie, thank you for being here and thanks for listening today, food bloggers. I will see you next time.

Outro: We’re glad you could join us on this episode of Eat Blog Talk. For more resources based on today’s discussion, as well as show notes and an opportunity to be on a future episode of the show, be sure to head to eatblogtalk.com. If you feel that hunger for information, we’ll be here to feed you on Eat Blog Talk.